03 November 2006

Thanks For The Laughs, Rev. Ted Haggard.

The headline for this posting probably should be: Evangelicals Led By Hypocritical Homosexual Methhead Adulterer...

From the Associated Press:
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (AP) - A leading U.S. evangelist and outspoken opponent of gay marriage has given up his post as president of the National Association of Evangelicals while a church panel investigates allegations he repeatedly paid a man for sex.

Rev. Ted Haggard resigned as president of the 30 million-member association Thursday after being accused of paying the man for monthly trysts over the last three years...

Mike Jones, a male escort, alleged that Haggard, whom he knew as "Art", paid for sex with him during trysts which had been taking place between them on an almost monthly basis over the course of the previous three years.

Further, Jones said Haggard used methamphetamine before their sexual encounters to heighten his experience.

The church official filling in for Haggard said there has been "some admission of guilt," but not to all of the allegations.

Whaaahhhh...hahhahahhahaha...Hold on one sec..Did he admit to the sex or the meth? hahahahahahawaaaahhhh....let me catch my brea...waaaahhahhahhhhahahahaha...O.K. I think I'm over it now...no...wait...I'm not.

Oh, Ted. I felt so bad for you and your family when I first read the reports of these vicious rumors that were being propagated about your being a hypocritical homosexual adulterer. Then I read that you were high on crank the entire time and that just put it over the edge, into the realm of total absurdity.

You know what? There is a good chance that Mike Jones is full of crap and that you are merely a hypocritical asshole out to ruin the name of Jesus and rid the world of reason and not a homosexual adulterer meth-head. But the best part is that most reasonable people I know are saying to themselves: "Yup, that makes sense, a man of the cloth, totally hell bent against homosexual equality and rights, I can totally see that guy high as hell on meth, giving some dude a rim job in an Econo Lodge bathroom." Without a hint of sarcasm.

This is because we believe in decency and especially in karma, and karma Ted, is a bitch. And it seems that every couple of years one of you hell bent anti-gay hypocritical ministers turns out to be totally full of crap when it comes to your own lives (see Jim Bakker, Bob Gray, Jimmy Swaggart, etc.) I guess now it is just your turn. So although a very small part of me does feel bad for your (rumored) sexually deprived wife and your children with their shaken image of their father, this Ted, is what you get.

Here's a clip of Ted getting served by Richard Dawkins, a leading intellectual in the field of evolutionary biology. Ted clearly gets owned, and gets a bit out of control towards the end:

Update: It turns out Ted bought the meth from the gay prostitute. Now it all makes sense, because all good ministers know gay prostitutes are the "hook up" for meth...and anal sex.


Blogger lecollye said...

This just in: Page oneQ has found the website for Mr. Mike Jones read about it here: http://pageoneq.com/news/2006/page110207.html

03 November, 2006 13:38  

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